*𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬*
This Christmas I felt a whirlwind of emotions...
I wanted so badly to be happy, excited, have a sense of relief.
But instead I felt anxiety, pressure, and was just trying to get through each day.
Our first ultrasound was booked for January 6th.
The ultrasound was where I found out with my last pregnancy that there was no heart beat.
There was no baby.
10 weeks in.
The second miscarriage killed me.
It took something from me that I never knew was able to leave.
It took my hope, it took all my positive energy, it took the best parts of me and it changed me.
Since then I had to re build myself, I had to find my why, I had to remind myself everyday that this was not my fault, and that I had to be strong infront of my children when I didn't even know how to get out of bed.
Yes they saw me cry, yes I let them be there for me. But the hardest part for me was telling them what had happened,
telling my sweet 4 year old that not only once, but twice we have lost the baby.
This is exactly why I waited so long in telling them about this pregnancy.
My anxiety had shifted after the last miscarriage,
I started to think horrible thoughts, I started to believe that something was wrong with my two healthy children and I would be checking on them multiple times in the night, probably not getting much sleep myself.
So finding out this pregnancy was valid,
Knowing I still had to wait another 2 weeks to see if this was real,
So here we were on Christmas morning with the most amazing Christmas miracle of all, and all I could think about was what if....
Knowing I wouldn't be strong enough to do this again, knowing this was our last chance.
And I had come to terms with that.
To be continued...
#1in6 #1in4 #miscarriageawareness #infertility #iuisuccess #iuijourney #iuisuccessstory #rainbowbaby #momofboys #momsofinstagram #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #tothemoonandbackca